One Hag, Two Hag
Lord Havelock Vetinari
The current Patrician of Ankh-Morpork
Human (as far as anyone can tell)
Tall, fragile, in control. Has a goatee. His eyes are a penetrating ice-blue in colour.
Patrician’s Palace, Ankh-Morpork
Aunt Lady Roberta Meserole
Family Motto: SI NON CONFECTVS, NON REFICIAT.
If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it
Havelock Vetinari is the current Patrician of Ankh-Morpork. He has been the supreme ruler for some years and is the successor of Mad Lord Snapcase. The Assassins’ Guild have an AM$ 1,000,000 fee for his inhumation, though rumour says that they are not accepting contracts on him at present. As a former Assassin himself, he is probably just too difficult to kill. However, his greatest defence against would-be plotters is that he carefully sees to it that a reality with him as Patrician is slightly better than one without him.
It was his discovery that people only really want stability and that tomorrow should pretty much resemble today, and this has been his greatest contribution to Ankh-Morpork. Impressively, he manages to keep this up even while he drags Ankh-Morpork, sometimes kicking and screaming, into the future. It is said that Vetinari can accomplish more with irony than most others can with steel. He can also accomplish more with one raised eyebrow than most people can with two of them and a lifetime of practice.
He seems to have no vices whatsoever, since some guild or other would otherwise undoubtedly have made use of them by now. Admittedly, Vetinari did ban street theatre and tends to hang mime artists upside down in a scorpion pit opposite a sign reading “Learn The Words,” but this is generally taken by the population as simply an amusing character trait. Anyway, in Ankh-Morpork people think that strolling players are no better than criminals, and mimes are just plain freaky.
It has also recently emerged that Vetinari also has firmly-held Views about modern art which are not far removed from those he holds concerning mime artists. While a fan of music in general, Lord Vetinari believes that actual live performance of Opera proves less enjoyable than simply reading the notes on the page.
Lord Vetinari enjoys a variety of games and puzzles (both metaphoric and literal); he faithfully completes the daily crossword in the Ankh-Morpork Times and is a master at Stealth Chess. He is also an expert Thud player, adept at either the Trolls or Dwarfs side of the board. While initially opposed to the street game foot-the-ball, the Patrician recently endorsed the version of the game played at Unseen University.
Several of his abilities (an absolutely photographic memory, the ability to solve puzzles almost instantly and an apparent inability to get drunk) suggest he may not be entirely human.
Though he apparently lacks any magical or technological understanding whatsoever, matters of that nature have never presented much of an obstacle to Vetinari, mostly because from his perspective such things ultimately manifest, both in initial cause and final effect, in the behaviour of people, which he understands exceedingly well.
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